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JEFFREY NORDSTROM

"Objectification vs. Agency" | Nuance in a Nutshell beta episode 0.1

8/23/2015

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Screengrab
A couple posts ago, I reflected on the nature of "Objectification vs. Agency." I ended the post with the following sentence:
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Well, the next day I set up the microphones and I interviewed her. Here's the interview:
I've always wanted to do a podcast, but I don't think I have enough to say on a weekly—or event monthly—basis in order to maintain one. I have a lot of things on the go: music, a Master's research project, family, house chores, etc., and I don't have enough time to put anything else on the plate.

But I have had the idea of setting up interviews about topics I don't fully "get." Here's what I wrote on the YouTube page:
This is my first interview. Nuance in a Nutshell interviews explore concepts I don't really feel I have a good grasp on. I intend to use these interviews to help me understand the significance of ideas that confound or offend me.
This interview was my first attempt at creating something in the genre. I think it's a good first step. I have plenty of topics that I can cover, but if I get this going smoothly, it'll be a fun intermittent activity.
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I sing Elton John's "I Want Love."

8/20/2015

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I'm not a huge Elton John fan. Much of his music's very good, but it's not really my style. 

But I've loved "I Want Love" ever since I saw the video on MuchMusic on its release. It was a simple, straight song with solid natural instrumentation.

I've been working on memorizing it and finally set aside some time to make a video to add to my continuing, casual Under the Covers project. I had lots of fun. If you can get past my guitar tone of choice, I hope you can see how much fun I had as well.
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My cheeky "I trolled the song" smile.
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Agency vs. Objectification.

8/14/2015

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Hiding my eyes to protect the world from my oppressive, shameful, male gaze.
I will use my privilege to protect you from my male gaze.
I'm not a confident person. I can deal with that. This plan to limit my use of social media is one part of me trying to increase/improve my sense of self-confidence.

This lack of self-confidence can have some serious negative effects: it makes me unnecessarily stress out about my upcoming research project for my Master's in Education degree; it makes me frightened about self-promoting my own music. There are countless ways that I don't feel adequate.

A lack of self-confidence was rather useful being raised in the church. I could always come across as "humble" because I had no self-confidence. This misreading of the nature of both humility and confidence served me well in the church context because I didn't have an ego to "get past" in order to "serve."

But with relationships, my lack of self-confidence has always been a problem. I squandered many dates by "not stepping up" to the next level, whatevertheheck that might have been at that time. I avoided dates and girlfriends in the name of my lack of self-confidence.

And when I would enter relationships, I'd fall into a seemingly unique hole: I'd be so afraid of objectifying a woman that I would essentially act asexually. I'd feel like any sexual suggestion or idea would essentially make me into a sexist pig who couldn't see past a woman's body. And this still carries on to today in some aspects; I still fear coming off as a "bro" if I make a comment about a woman's appearance. This is good for avoiding making sexist remarks; this is bad for acknowledging a woman's sexuality or acknowledging the time and money women put in to their appearance.
But I was listening to an episode of The Gentleperverts Social Club and I heard this excerpt that might help me make sense of the difference between Objectification and Agency. In this segment, which was lifted from This Week In Blackness Prime Episode 681. The segment responds to an article by Meghan Murphy, the one columnist on Rabble that I've never really been able to sympathize with. The speakers on TWIB respond to Murphy's continual misrepresentation of both transexuals and sex workers, highlighting the racial tropes Murphy stumbles through as she tries to justify her ignorance. The hosts of TWIB handle her article with precision, compassion, nuance, and humor.
For the portion of The Gentleperverts Social Club where I first heard this, the applicable discussion starts at 13:30.
For the embedded episode of This Week In Blackness Prime above, the discussion starts at 42:28.

For the purpose of this weblog, I'd like to highlight the following explanation, starting at 54:20 in the TWIB Prime podcast embedded above.
You cannot objectify yourself. Objectification needs to be done from the outside looking in, wheras if you do it yourself, that's not objectification, that's called "agency."
or, in reference to the tweet that they refer to in the show,

You cannot objectify yourself. When you choose that it is called agency. Take notes Meghan | Live: http://t.co/kn4O31yClQ #TWIBnation

— #TWiBprime (@TWiBprime) April 23, 2015
I'd never thought about it that way. That might be helpful. At those times when my partner[s] have agency over themselves, I need to acknowledge and encourage that agency in any way I can. The question might be, "Do I have the self-confidence to accurately encourage that agency in my relationships?" and "What would that look like?"

Now I just need to talk to my wife about it and see what she thinks.
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Taking a break from social media.

8/14/2015

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Two nights ago, while pulling my dog with the wagon, I stopped walking, looked down at my phone, and posted this:

Taking a social media break. ☺

— Jeffrey Nordstrom (@jeffnords) August 13, 2015
I posted similar "On hiatus" messages on my other accounts, and subsequently deleted Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram from my phone.

Why?
  • I've been a regular Facebook user since 2007. It started as a means to connect with friends; for a few years, it acted as my "links repository," where I posted links to different articles. Since 2011, my use of Facebook has become more family-oriented: I post things that might be of interest to family members and friends. On Facebook I have become decidedly non-controversial; I got tired of unnecessary arguments from distant relatives and friends. Over the last year, I don't really know why I've been on Facebook at all, except perhaps to keep up with private groups and events, and to write private messages.
  • I started using Twitter within the last few months. It became a new links repository and I made a few connections. However, I haven't really connected with Twitter in a way that leads to attention: I'm not funny, witty, or acerbic enough to thrive there. Instead, I just get overwhelmed and jealous.
  • I also started using Instagram since I got the S5. It's fun, but I haven't really connected with many people there.
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I wrote this on my phone yesterday.
What I think I'm trying to say is this: Social media has not been making me happy in any way. I make some connections here and there, but the public aspect of social media has grown tiresome. I'm obsessed with looking at my phone and checking for notifications, but I just feel further and further from real relationships and I simply can't do it anymore. 

So I'm going for an indefinite public hiatus. I haven't deleted any accounts; my Messaging apps and accounts will exist in order to keep connections here and there. But, for the time being, I'm not going to "maintain a social media presence" per se.

What will I maintain over this period?
  • This weblog. Years ago I kept an online journal and I enjoyed it; perhaps this will bring back some spark into my writing and help me break some of the bad writing habits I've adopted over the last decade.
  • I will maintain my musician Facebook page (which I essentially ignore at this point)
  • I will maintain my YouTube channel. I hope to diversify my content there.
I started to feel that social media was taking far more from me than I was getting from it and my real-life relationships and my ego were suffering. 

So it's time for a break.
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Photos used under Creative Commons from Brett Jordan, b r e n t
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