On my amateurness.

Over at BigThink, Jason Gots posted an article in praise of "amateurism." He focuses mainly on lo-fidelity talent that breeds a popular, loyal following, such as punk rock and The Velvet Underground. These are the classic examples of popular amateurness, but I guess they have their niche. And enough people, myself included, enjoy a lot of that amateurish stuff. Raw, amateur songs like "The Fire Still Burns" and "Scrabble Girl" fill me with joy every time they appear on my shuffle.

Anyhow, Gots concludes,

Click 4 article.

We need more structures for creative experimentation, not just as summer camps for entrepreneurs or marginalized phenomena like drum circles, but built centrally into our schools and our societies. We’re too serious. Too self-aware. Too well-armored for our own good. Fear of losing the competition for scarce jobs to some other nation (or to robots) in some imagined future mustn’t discourage us from the kind of messy, inefficient experimentation-out-of-love (amateur = “lover” in Latin) that is productive both of human happiness and also of new jobs to replace those that will always, inevitably disappear. Experimentation-out-of-love is often inefficient and hard to measure. It isn’t always “solution-oriented.” But it’s as necessary and natural to us as breathing, and all too easily swept under the rug. ​

I have certainly fallen into the "too self-aware" camp when it comes to my own music and profession. To be honest, I generally hate the things I create. But I shouldn't be so hard on myself because I'm not trying to be anything but an amateur. I think I might just have to admit that amateurness suits me.

I've been thinking about this in relation to my own ambition… or lack of it. Numerous people have told me over the years that I should "go into music" or that I can "make it." And I used to say that I didn't think I was professional enough to do it, that I didn't have enough faith in myself, that I really had nothing to share that people couldn't get from anybody else.

And I'd still stand by those *ahem* excuses.

But, as I'm coming to the end of this Leadership degree (I hope), and as various turmoils distract me in my life, I also can't help but notice how little I want anybody's attention. I don't want everybody looking at me. At all. I am astoundingly content to have a website nobody visits, music nobody hears, and photographs nobody sees. I am more than content with my own lack of influence on the world, even in the arts I claim for myself.

I mean, just look at me:

This is my amateur face.

Does it get more amateur than that? I don't think so.

​Or this?