Needs.

Growing up as an evangelical Christian, religious forces regularly manhandled my "needs." I often heard lines like the following:

• All you need is God's love.
• All you need to do is believe.
• All you need to do is pray.
• God will supply all your needs.
• All you need to do is trust God.
• You need to have more faith.
• All you need to do is give up everything for Jesus.
• All you need to do is hand your life over to Jesus.
• Your own needs are selfish; God sustains all.
• etc..

But over the last few years, as I've confronted a more evidence-based life, the dissatisfactory nature of my needs-awareness continue to pummel me. For today, I'll blame too many years of Christian needs-misplacement: how can I know my needs now when I outsourced them for so long?

I have no idea what I need. 

Really. I don't. I thought I needed God, but I don't; I thought I needed to maintain a close relationship with Jesus, but I don't; I thought I needed to answer to my faith in all things, but I don't.

I reiterate: I have no clue as to what I need.

I know what causes me anxiety: not feeling trusted; hurting people's feelings unnecessarily; working against my better judgement. But to twist those negative phrases into positive ones? To reframe my anxieties to active-voice needs? I just can't seem to do it.

Is it embarrassing for me to make it to 35 and to have no clue as to what I need?

And how am I supposed to battle through depression when I don't even know what needs to grasp for?