A couple Saturday nights ago, I played live at a private fundraising dinner. I practiced quite a bit and had a pretty good set lined up, or so I thought.
When the time came to play, once again I forgot words to songs, mixed up my verses, and generally screwed up. I felt humiliated.
I'm tired of this.
So I'm done with performing live on my own. It just doesn't work. If I can't remember lyrics right after all these years, it's not going to happen.
So I asked my wife/partner if she'd like to accompany me, and she said "Yes," and this makes me happy.
All in all, it's a matter of shifting my focus. I've been told by many people that my music is quite band-driven. I've always wanted to be a singer-songwriter, but I don't think I really fit with the mold. I'm not introspective enough to fit the singer-songwriter label. I play rock and roll and love to make music that keeps people happy.
I think I need to reach deep into the dregs of my upbringing and remember the types of music with which I've been most successful through my live: as a bassist in post-rock bands or the leader in worship and praise bands.
So I'm done with trying to do it all on my own. I need someone to help me with my cues; I need someone to talk with; I need someone to help me with the vocals. I can still arrange the music and keep my name in the forefront; I just need to let other people join up with me.
I'm looking forward to these adjustments to my direction.
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