My Comprehensive Exam is done and I've received word that I've completed all of the requirements for my Master's in Leadership degree. The exam itself was casual, reflective APA paper that I wrote last week. Not much of an "exam," per se, but it works for me.
Although I may have laid it on a little thick, due to the nature of the exam, I think I'll post what I wrote here. Just for fun.
That's how it all ended.
I received confirmation that I'm all done. See?
I checked my phone and learned the news while I was on my way downstairs for the school's Milk Run. And I ran well.
I'm too much of an emotional mess to actually say I did something; I still feel like a total and utter failure at everything. But I have a couple new pieces of evidence to prove me wrong.
Although there are other coincidences for today, this one's interesting:
The "memories" ad on Facebook is funny because all of the photos have been posted by other people. If it had given me an analogous ad a few years ago, it would have shown numerous photos that I've taken myself. But there's Facebook saying "Thanks for being part of the community for 9 years," and none of those images show that I've taken part, myself, at all.
And by sending that "Comprehensive Exam Paper," I hope to put a cap on one of the last times when I'll do something I'm not very passionate about. I joined that Leadership program largely in order to increase my paycheque, but not really because I "really wanted to." Although I may have built up some grit and resilience in the process, it's certainly come at a price: my marriage is a mess; I've isolated my friends; I'm not as effective in the classroom as I once was; I haven't written a song in years; I'm both numb and miserable at the same time.
In either case, this is new-leaf-turning-over-time. I have time on my weekends again for the first time in years. I have few friends who have any expectations of me.
And I don't have any more excuses avoid anything.
This summer will be important. I will read; I will relax; I will try to shape my mind a little. I've been looking into going overseas again, perhaps teaching in China or the Middle East for September of 2017. My Master's degree will be a good marketing tool. But I have no idea where I will be in September 2016.
And that's OK.
I just received the questions for my "Comprehensive Exam," essentially a short, reflective, APA paper that covers what I learned through my Leadership program at UVic. It's due next Sunday, I believe, so it's unlikely that I'll update anything here until then.
But Wow, when it's done I'll have an enormous burden off my back so I'll be able to deal with other life-stuff much more effectively.
Looking forward to that reading list. Looking forward to trying to lose these 10 pounds I've added since last September when everything seemed rosy. Looking forward to opportunities to play music and write songs again.
One last step.
I finally submitted my project today. It's strange to think that it's gone. I thought I had to print it, so I did, but apparently I only had to send an electronic copy to my advisor. So now I have a copy.
This project has spanned some of the most frightening events of my life. Over the expanse of this project, I have lost friends, my marriage has suffered irreparable damage, and I have grown less comfortable with my place in life than I ever have before. I leave this project an admitted social and personal mess.
Fortunately, it's done. I have a week-long, take-home exam/essay later in the month, but that will be a relative cakewalk when compared to this beast of a brainbender. I was never made to write APA research projects; I hope to never do it again.
As I articulated yesterday to a French backpacker at a Starbucks in downtown Victoria, I hope that I can now start to vomit forth songs again, that my creative juices can thrive again in the fury of relationships. But I'm not counting on it.
To celebrate, I ate some food. I then went downtown and got some film I'd developed. I played a an acoustic guitar I particularly enjoyed. And that's about it.
If I hope to treat myself to anything when I'm done, I think I'll get the new Cars anthology. No band appeals to my nerdy awkwardness like The Cars do. After all this shit, I could sure use some electronic rock affirmation.
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